I have a great fascination with British machinery, just because it needs me. There’s always some fiddling to do. The British also have the best names for vehicles, especially their military vehicles: the Humber Pig, the Gloster Gamecock, the Wolseley Mudlark.
I have always liked the Daimler Ferret scout car, partly because of the name (it was based on the earlier Daimler Dingo, another great name) but mainly because you can drive it like an SUV. It’s basically a small tank but with tires on it instead of treads. It has a Rolls-Royce six-cylinder that is right there in the hull with you, along with the transmission and all the running gear. It’s sort of the Porsche 911 of British military vehicles, and it’s really not much bigger. In fact, the Ferret has about the same wheelbase as a 1969 911.
It’s obviously three times as tall, but it’s fairly compact and it weighs about 9000 pounds, which for a tank is really not that bad. I found one a few years ago already in the U.S. and bought it. I tell people that when I’ve got to run errands in Beverly Hills, I only put on the 30-caliber machine gun, but when I have to go into downtown LA, I put the 50-cal on. It’s great fun, and people sure get out of the way!
Anyway, one day last year, the King of Jordan came to visit the garage because he’s a big car guy. He saw my Ferret and told me they use them in Jordan for patrols to this day. He asked me if I have any trouble getting in and out of the top hatch, and I said no, I’m 75 years old, and I have to crawl in through the top, but I can still get it done, no problem.
He said, “You should do what we did; we cut a door in the sides of ours,” and I said maybe I would do that, and then he said, “No! I’ll send you one of mine!” I tried to politely decline but he insisted, said he would fly it over, drop it off right here at Burbank airport. Then he said he would send me two tanks, a Ferret and an Alvis Scorpion, which is the fastest lightweight tank—or, at least it was when it was built in 1972. It’s mostly made out of aluminum, weighs about 17,000 pounds, which is quite light for a tank, and will do 51 mph.
Alvis is one of those crazy British companies that didn’t make much sense on paper. After the war, it built luxury cars and military vehicles (the Saladin, the Saracen, the Salamander, and the Stalwart, all great names). People say the Scorpion is the Jag E-Type of tanks, partly because it has the same engine as my E-Type, a Jag 4.2-liter twin-cam straight-six. The king said it was like new, everything reconditioned and with rubber blocks between the treads so that I can run it on the street.
Well, when a king gives you a tank, or two, you probably shouldn’t refuse it. A month or so went by, and sure enough, they dropped off the Scorpion at my door. It didn’t come with an owner’s manual or an instructor or anything, but it’s pretty easy to figure out. It has two levers that turn it and stop it, and a gas pedal. I decided to drive it around the block. You know, having a tank near a major commercial airport is not really something they appreciate, and the cops were on me instantly. They shouted, “Hey, what are you doing?!” And I stuck my head out of the hatch and said, “Neighborhood watch!” They just thought that was the funniest thing they ever heard—then they told me to get that thing outta here. The Scorpion is a fabulous tank. I went 50 mph in it down the street by the garage, it’s unbelievable. It’s like you’re in a building that moves at traffic speed. And it stops RIGHT NOW. You get off the throttle and, clunk, that’s it, you stop. Arnold Schwarzenegger and I went out in his tank a few years ago and had a good time, so maybe we’ll race. I’m pretty sure I can beat him.
The Ferret with the door showed up a couple months later, and the king was right, it iseasier to get in and out of. Now I have three tanks. Some people say there’s a war on in our cities. If so, I’m ready. Last time I did a tour to entertain troops, I had to go all the way to Kandahar. Now, if you believe some news outlets, I don’t even need to leave LA—I can just go down to the Beverly Center. If there’s nothing going on there, well, with the new door in the Ferret, it’ll be easier to do some shopping. And I won’t have to worry about anyone giving me a door ding.
Report by Jay Leno for hagerty.com
